I am new to blogging. Until I figure this out my post will short.

Recent unfortunate events have left me wanting to be with my family as it existed earlier. There are periods while growing up I remember as painful or otherwise difficult. Some of those "hard" times I now would happily revisit.

During a particularly grim winter in 1970, we were poor and stimulated day and night by an extremely uncertain future. We did, however, love each other and there was never any question of loyalty or distrust. We were together by fate and circumstance yet each of us wanted to be with with nobody else.

That warmth and desire is no longer with us. The epiphany then, for me, is the unwanted deeper grasp of what makes "hell," hell. I now am burdened with intense longing for all of my family to want each other like we used to. I want my mother, grandmother, little sister and me to be poor again, eating just toast and grapefruit and stuffed into a cramped and humiliating existence.

Then maybe we could justifiably speak well of each other. Those "hard" times were much easier than now. I am well (over) feed and surrounded with every comfort and convenience. I would eagerly (and angrily) feed all I have through a wood chipper to relive just one day in that cold apartment surrounded by people that care and speak well of each other.

Foy